Great Book

This weekend I have been thinking a lot about my relationship with God. Partly because of a book my friend loaned me called "The Shack". It is a fiction book based on the events in a family's life, and the father's relationship with God.

The book is beautifully written and it brings up many questions about faith, religion, and God. There are so many nuggets I could share, this one is my favorite (because it hits close to home), though it is not word for word from the book. In the book the main character asks if God is ever disappointed in him to which God responds, "No, I know the ending. Let's say that it takes 47 situations and circumstances for you to hear me clearly enough to change, then you fail to hear me and change, then it's great, there are only 46 more times and you'll hear and I rejoice that the time is getting near."

My husband and I often talk and wonder together what lesson are we to learn in the realm of our finances. We have been in a cycle of having nothing, to having much, to having nothing...you get the point, since we were married. I do think that each time we go through this, the less money actually means to us, but of course it's always important for survival so it cannot be avoided. Kind of like dieting, it would be easy if you didn't need it for survival, but since you do, it's easy to over indulge, and with money, want more, spend more and create debt. To look at my life honestly, as far back as I can remember, I have been a "have not" in my mind. Money has always been a concern, even when I had it, I was always waiting for the other shoe to drop, waiting until I didn't have it again. Almost like I'm most comfortable in the struggle for survival. The unfortunate part of the situation is that where I'm most comfortable, often distracts me from my time with God. If I struggle, there is no time to think about where I am in relationship with him and honestly with anyone else. Why do I need to struggle? I guess I'd have to say, because I simply am protecting myself from trusting God fully and giving up control of my ordered little world, as well as trusting others to know me. If I am busy, there is no time for those people in my life who might "see" who I am to take take the time to find the true me. I can live behind my mask and be anyone I choose to be. I am working very hard at changing this about myself, but I often find myself slipping back into the ease of the mask. I live to survive instead of living to serve. I pray that God will teach me, no matter if it takes my whole life, to live to serve and live a transparent life, that I will learn to hide no more.