Cinnamon Rolls! The best recipe ever.

Here's the promised cinnamon roll recipe that was given to me a couple of years ago by a friend.

Cinnamon Rolls

Roll Dough

Combine 2 pkgs yeast, 1/2 tsp sugar and 1/4 cup of warm water in a separate bowl. Let sit until the yeast is foamy.

In another bowl combine:

1 5oz can of evaporated milk
1 cup of boiling water
3/4 cup of vegetable oil
2 tsp salt
1/2 cup of white sugar

Beat three eggs and add to the second mixture. Then add the yeast mixture and mix well. Add 3 cups of flour and mix well. Then add 4-5 more cups of flour until you have a soft, slightly sticky dough. Knead on a floured surface for 10-15 minutes. (I simply use the bread hook in my kitchen aid and mix until the dough pulls away from the sides). Put in a large oiled bowl and let rise until double. Punch down dough. (this dough is also good for hamburger buns or rolls)  To shape this dough into cinnamon rolls, divide dough in half and roll into a large rectangle, approximately 11x14.  Then spread half of the filling over the dough.  Roll the dough from the short side, and seal edges. Using a piece of thread, slide it under the dough and cross threads and pull tight, this will make clean cuts on the dough without squishing out filling. Slice into desired size of rolls (I usually cut them in 1" increments).  Place in a greased 9x13 pan, and repeat with other half of the dough. These can be frozen at this point for later baking. (If you freeze them, take them out and let them thaw in the refrigerator overnight.) Let the rolls rise until double, and bake at 375 degrees for 15-20 minutes.  Spread frosting on rolls after they come out of the oven, and serve.

Cinnamon roll filling (for entire batch of dough)

1/2 cup of butter or margarine, softened
1/2 cup white sugar
1/2 cup packed brown sugar
4 tablespoons of  ground cinnamon
2 tablespoon of corn syrup

Combine together and spread on dough.

Cinnamon roll frosting: (for entire batch)

4 oz cream cheese, softened
4 tablespoons of butter, softened
1 tsp of vanilla
2 2/3 cup of powdered sugar
2 tablespoons of milk or water

Importance

This week I have been pondering my need for importance. What I mean by this is that I feel almost driven to be important to the people in my life. While this is not all bad, it does motivate me to be concerned with what people think, more than I like. I worry that I have upset someone when they do not call me. I worry that they don't like me anymore when they do not call back. When my husband doesn't remember the things that I tell him about my schedule, or my day, I feel unloved.

I realize that none of these things in particular reflect on who I am. They are simply everyday occurrences. I do not always call my friends, nor do I call them back every time they call me. I do not remember all that my husband tells me. Having been a perpetrator of these exact same things, why do I get so upset when they happen to me?

As I venture to get to know myself, these are the issues I face.  I must look into my actions and feelings with a realism that I do not particularly like. It is so easy to deny my need for importance and my reaction to feeling unimportant, but where does that lead me? Because I have been around this tree so many times, I can say it... No where. It leads me right back to the vicious cycle of worrying about what others think and trying to please them so I feel important.

What God calls me to do is to value what he thinks of me, in spite of what others may or may not think of me.  Not everyone will like me. I need to learn to be ok with that and to not concern myself with why. I must remember that my husband and friends love me, even if they fail to call back. I cannot assume negative emotion on the part of these important people. It is my nature to do so, I pray that God changes me enough that I can see it before I let myself feel it.

I think I'll paint something about this feeling, I've had an idea all week. Hopefully I will have the time to do it this weekend.

On a side note: I have pictures and a recipe of the most delicious cinnamon rolls ever to post. I'll try and get to it by Friday so you too can make them.

Have a great rest of the week.

Shelli

Winter Gloom

I have the blahs. I am sure it has to do with the gloomy weather, it tends to create a gloomy mood in me when it goes on for too long.

We had a birthday party for Dave last weekend and it was wonderful to see our friends again.

I'm sure that next week I'll have something to write, it is supposed to be nicer which will help with the gloomies and spark some inspiration.

YAY!

I wrote last night about the test. The results came back and I am fine! Yippee.  Now the question is, what do I do with myself now that I can make plans again?

I guess I get to blog about my idea to try a new recipe each week to get outside of my culinary box.  I tried a new one yesterday, but forgot to take a picture to show you.

Last week we tried "Weeknight Porkchops", which were pretty good for meat. I am going to add some garlic and cayenne to the sauce next time I make it to add a little more flavor.  (This recipe can be found on allrecipes.com if you are interested).

Here's a picture, though I must admit, I had to borrow one from my husband because I had already eaten mine before I took the picture. Note to self, take a picture before you eat, it will look prettier.

The other recipe we tried was a crockpot dish called Rosemary Red Pepper chicken. We edited the recipe from the get go, because the reviews suggested it. We added a can of fire roasted tomatoes, and mushrooms, as well as doubling the spices. Dave and Maddi ate it and loved it. I only tasted it because I had eaten at work earlier in the day. I thought it was good as well. This recipe is also on all recipes.com


After cooking
 
Before, I think it was much prettier before it was cooked.

I wonder what I'll make next? Something yummy I hope.

Peace and stuff

It has been a tough week. Since the last time I wrote, I have had a health scare. I had an X-ray that came back abnormal, there is a funny spot on my lung. I have had the CT scan and am waiting for results.

You know what? I am ok. No matter how this turns out, whether I have a serious condition or not, I am ok. I have peace about my future. I know that God is with me, through thick and thin. I know he loves me enough to hold my hand through any situation.

I had this guy I knew named Dale B., he was one of those guys you always saw with a smile on his face. He knew and loved God and worked hard to have a good attitude about life. A few years ago, he fell ill with cancer. During the time that he was sick, he continued to serve others with a smile, he did not complain about his circumstance, he prayed for healing, and did not receive it. He still had faith in God and shared it with everyone in his sphere of influence. He died last spring, and even though he was an example from afar, I miss him being in the world. Just knowing he was there gave me someone to look up to.

If this test comes back, and I am healthy, I hope that I am able to follow the example set by Dale, if I am sick, I pray that I can follow the example of Dale and have peace in my situation and work to share myself and the love I have for Christ with everyone I know, through my words and my actions.

I dreaded sharing with my friends and family that this was going on. I didn't want to worry anyone. What I found out instead is that people care about me more than I thought might, I have been blessed already with this scare. I know that I am loved by those who do not have to, but choose to.

Here's hoping for the best, here's knowing it doesn't matter how the test comes out. It will all be ok.

S.

Change

I've been thinking all week about change. Change in relationship to behaviors and change in relation to relationships.

The behavior would seem to me to be the easiest form of change. Simply decide to do something different and move forward with it right? WRONG.  I would like to say that I was able (or willing) to simply do that. If I were, I would be spending the time in the gym that my diet requires, and eating food that I know is good for me all of the time. Instead, I choose to fight the process instead of accept it. My diet guy says that I should just do it one day at a time, one meal, one step, and one weigh in. I am much more of a planner than that. I even plan to cheat when I do it, it is rarely a mistake when I eat more calories than I should. I went to the doctor yesterday and made him do a cholesterol test on my blood because I have not been taking my medicine like I should. I need him to prove to me that I still need it, given all of the lifestyle changes I have made in the last few years, yet deep down, I know I haven't changed my blood, nor my mind about being diligent with the medicine. Why do I stay stuck in my "forgetfulness" about taking the medicine? The simple answer is that I do not want to change what I am doing. I do not want to admit that I have a health issue, nor do I want to cement that idea in my mind each day when I pop the pill. I willingly take vitamins, but a cholesterol pill....no way. I must change this way of thinking, or it is possible that I will shorten my life. Exercise is the same way. I think that because I am exercising three more times a week than I used to, it is good enough. However, I know that thirty minutes a day of cardio will improve my heart health and help me to lose weight, yet I do nothing to change it. Why? I do not want to wake up an hour early to take care of myself.

The ultimate question is why do I treat myself as though I am not worth the effort?

The other change I am speaking of is change in relationships. As I have grown older, I have become far more aware of relational drift. I guess it is because it is difficult for me to make friends, I am not as outgoing as I could be, and it takes me awhile to open up, I don't mean share stories about myself, but emotionally open up to others. I wait for a perceived safety in the relationship, then I stick a toe in. But I digress, the point is not my difficulty in making friends, but my difficulty in changing the way I feel about the loss of them.

Logically I realize that friends come and go, some are for life, some are only for a season. I am not sure why I get so attached, then pine away for them when they no longer exist. I wonder if it has something to do with most of my friendships that I pine for are ones that I did not choose to leave?  It is somewhat similar feeling to breaking up with a boyfriend, I was always looking for the idealized boyfriend, not the reality of the one I had. Is this the same phenomenon as with the friends I have lost? I think maybe so. I am drawn to those that I feel some sort of affinity with, a heart connection, a similar experience or personality. The friends I have lost were sort of anomolies to this, sometimes more extreme in the personality and harder to relate to, sometimes people that I saw qualities in that I would like to emulate or that I respected. The friends that I looked up to became somewhat heroic to me, and maybe, just maybe, that in itself created strain on the relationship. I would have difficulty being completely open with these people. The others, I think maybe we were both just inept at relating and were unable to sustain the relationship and implied intimacy for long.

Change... The question is, why am I suddenly so aware of relationships and friendships? I think that God must want to teach me something here. I wonder what it is, and in what form the lesson will come? 

So, here goes: Lord, I am willing to change. I am willing to become moldable so you can teach me how to be kind and loving and present in today's relationships.

No taking it back now, it has been uttered! Change is on the way and I am going to embrace it!

Two steps forward, one step back

This last couple of years I have been working hard to be kind to others when I speak. I tend to speak with authority in my voice, I always have. I am not sure why this is true, but it has been a part of me ever since I was a child.  However, this particular personality trait tends to hurt others even though I don't intend to.

This week has been one of those weeks where God is showing me things that I need to work on in order to become a better person. This week's lesson is: TACT. I can't say I particularly like the word, and I guess that is because it is elusive to me. Speaking the truth should be something that is ok to do right? If said with a smile, it shouldn't be hard to see that I do not mean what I say negatively right?

I have two people in my life this week that have expressed hurt feelings at my comments, even though I did not mean them as such, just a statement of fact from my point of view. It grieves me to hurt those that I love, whether intentional or not. I don't like hurting the feelings of anyone, but hurting those I love, cuts me to the core.

My first reaction is to relieve myself of the friendship. Yep. I said it, run away, that is the easiest thing to do. Is it the best for me? Maybe in the short term. I don't have to see the hurt in their eyes, nor deal with the basic issue...I am imperfect and have no tact, I hurt people.  In the long term, no. When I think about what being a good friend is, I believe that being someone who tells the truth to me, no matter if it hurts my feelings or makes me mad. I believe each person that I love deserves for me to be honest with them, not cater to them when they are doing something wrong and coddle them.  So why run?  Maybe I can't handle the truth, or don't want to. I feel most loved by those in my life that do not coddle me though hearing the truth about myself always hurts, sometimes when it is positive.

I had a friend a few years back that hurt my feelings every time I was around her.  Eventually, my life got busy and it was easy to lose contact with her. I ran away from that relationship thinking that she was too hard to be friends with, even though I knew that her intention was not to hurt me, she was just trying to understand me. Why I did certain things the way I did, etc. The final straw on that relationship was when she corrected me in front of my husband.  It ate at me enough that I just ran. What I should have done was confront her and let her know that her behavior hurt my feelings and talk about how we could work through that together.  I miss this friendship, but I doubt that there is room for repair of it now.

Today, I realize that God is showing me that I behave like this friend who hurt me so much. How do I learn how to temper this part of my personality? How many of those friends I used to have ran just like I did because I was too much to handle? How much damage have I done?

Why did God give me this ability to see through the fluff to the heart of the issue without giving me the innate ability to soften the blow? I have faith that he'll teach me, but sometimes I just want to know it, not learn it!