This last couple of years I have been working hard to be kind to others when I speak. I tend to speak with authority in my voice, I always have. I am not sure why this is true, but it has been a part of me ever since I was a child. However, this particular personality trait tends to hurt others even though I don't intend to.
This week has been one of those weeks where God is showing me things that I need to work on in order to become a better person. This week's lesson is: TACT. I can't say I particularly like the word, and I guess that is because it is elusive to me. Speaking the truth should be something that is ok to do right? If said with a smile, it shouldn't be hard to see that I do not mean what I say negatively right?
I have two people in my life this week that have expressed hurt feelings at my comments, even though I did not mean them as such, just a statement of fact from my point of view. It grieves me to hurt those that I love, whether intentional or not. I don't like hurting the feelings of anyone, but hurting those I love, cuts me to the core.
My first reaction is to relieve myself of the friendship. Yep. I said it, run away, that is the easiest thing to do. Is it the best for me? Maybe in the short term. I don't have to see the hurt in their eyes, nor deal with the basic issue...I am imperfect and have no tact, I hurt people. In the long term, no. When I think about what being a good friend is, I believe that being someone who tells the truth to me, no matter if it hurts my feelings or makes me mad. I believe each person that I love deserves for me to be honest with them, not cater to them when they are doing something wrong and coddle them. So why run? Maybe I can't handle the truth, or don't want to. I feel most loved by those in my life that do not coddle me though hearing the truth about myself always hurts, sometimes when it is positive.
I had a friend a few years back that hurt my feelings every time I was around her. Eventually, my life got busy and it was easy to lose contact with her. I ran away from that relationship thinking that she was too hard to be friends with, even though I knew that her intention was not to hurt me, she was just trying to understand me. Why I did certain things the way I did, etc. The final straw on that relationship was when she corrected me in front of my husband. It ate at me enough that I just ran. What I should have done was confront her and let her know that her behavior hurt my feelings and talk about how we could work through that together. I miss this friendship, but I doubt that there is room for repair of it now.
Today, I realize that God is showing me that I behave like this friend who hurt me so much. How do I learn how to temper this part of my personality? How many of those friends I used to have ran just like I did because I was too much to handle? How much damage have I done?
Why did God give me this ability to see through the fluff to the heart of the issue without giving me the innate ability to soften the blow? I have faith that he'll teach me, but sometimes I just want to know it, not learn it!
This week has been one of those weeks where God is showing me things that I need to work on in order to become a better person. This week's lesson is: TACT. I can't say I particularly like the word, and I guess that is because it is elusive to me. Speaking the truth should be something that is ok to do right? If said with a smile, it shouldn't be hard to see that I do not mean what I say negatively right?
I have two people in my life this week that have expressed hurt feelings at my comments, even though I did not mean them as such, just a statement of fact from my point of view. It grieves me to hurt those that I love, whether intentional or not. I don't like hurting the feelings of anyone, but hurting those I love, cuts me to the core.
My first reaction is to relieve myself of the friendship. Yep. I said it, run away, that is the easiest thing to do. Is it the best for me? Maybe in the short term. I don't have to see the hurt in their eyes, nor deal with the basic issue...I am imperfect and have no tact, I hurt people. In the long term, no. When I think about what being a good friend is, I believe that being someone who tells the truth to me, no matter if it hurts my feelings or makes me mad. I believe each person that I love deserves for me to be honest with them, not cater to them when they are doing something wrong and coddle them. So why run? Maybe I can't handle the truth, or don't want to. I feel most loved by those in my life that do not coddle me though hearing the truth about myself always hurts, sometimes when it is positive.
I had a friend a few years back that hurt my feelings every time I was around her. Eventually, my life got busy and it was easy to lose contact with her. I ran away from that relationship thinking that she was too hard to be friends with, even though I knew that her intention was not to hurt me, she was just trying to understand me. Why I did certain things the way I did, etc. The final straw on that relationship was when she corrected me in front of my husband. It ate at me enough that I just ran. What I should have done was confront her and let her know that her behavior hurt my feelings and talk about how we could work through that together. I miss this friendship, but I doubt that there is room for repair of it now.
Today, I realize that God is showing me that I behave like this friend who hurt me so much. How do I learn how to temper this part of my personality? How many of those friends I used to have ran just like I did because I was too much to handle? How much damage have I done?
Why did God give me this ability to see through the fluff to the heart of the issue without giving me the innate ability to soften the blow? I have faith that he'll teach me, but sometimes I just want to know it, not learn it!
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