This week I have been pondering my need for importance. What I mean by this is that I feel almost driven to be important to the people in my life. While this is not all bad, it does motivate me to be concerned with what people think, more than I like. I worry that I have upset someone when they do not call me. I worry that they don't like me anymore when they do not call back. When my husband doesn't remember the things that I tell him about my schedule, or my day, I feel unloved.
I realize that none of these things in particular reflect on who I am. They are simply everyday occurrences. I do not always call my friends, nor do I call them back every time they call me. I do not remember all that my husband tells me. Having been a perpetrator of these exact same things, why do I get so upset when they happen to me?
As I venture to get to know myself, these are the issues I face. I must look into my actions and feelings with a realism that I do not particularly like. It is so easy to deny my need for importance and my reaction to feeling unimportant, but where does that lead me? Because I have been around this tree so many times, I can say it... No where. It leads me right back to the vicious cycle of worrying about what others think and trying to please them so I feel important.
What God calls me to do is to value what he thinks of me, in spite of what others may or may not think of me. Not everyone will like me. I need to learn to be ok with that and to not concern myself with why. I must remember that my husband and friends love me, even if they fail to call back. I cannot assume negative emotion on the part of these important people. It is my nature to do so, I pray that God changes me enough that I can see it before I let myself feel it.
I think I'll paint something about this feeling, I've had an idea all week. Hopefully I will have the time to do it this weekend.
On a side note: I have pictures and a recipe of the most delicious cinnamon rolls ever to post. I'll try and get to it by Friday so you too can make them.
Have a great rest of the week.
Shelli
I realize that none of these things in particular reflect on who I am. They are simply everyday occurrences. I do not always call my friends, nor do I call them back every time they call me. I do not remember all that my husband tells me. Having been a perpetrator of these exact same things, why do I get so upset when they happen to me?
As I venture to get to know myself, these are the issues I face. I must look into my actions and feelings with a realism that I do not particularly like. It is so easy to deny my need for importance and my reaction to feeling unimportant, but where does that lead me? Because I have been around this tree so many times, I can say it... No where. It leads me right back to the vicious cycle of worrying about what others think and trying to please them so I feel important.
What God calls me to do is to value what he thinks of me, in spite of what others may or may not think of me. Not everyone will like me. I need to learn to be ok with that and to not concern myself with why. I must remember that my husband and friends love me, even if they fail to call back. I cannot assume negative emotion on the part of these important people. It is my nature to do so, I pray that God changes me enough that I can see it before I let myself feel it.
I think I'll paint something about this feeling, I've had an idea all week. Hopefully I will have the time to do it this weekend.
On a side note: I have pictures and a recipe of the most delicious cinnamon rolls ever to post. I'll try and get to it by Friday so you too can make them.
Have a great rest of the week.
Shelli
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